101

27 05 2008

Oh. 100 posts came and went. I didn’t notice.

No, really. I didn’t.

I suppose for the 101st postcard, this isn’t really going to shake the earth – but profundity will have to take a backseat for the moment. Tonight, I write the saddest lines…

I wish I had written those words – instead, you will have to look up Pablo Neruda’s poem of the same name. No, tonight is one of those nights (it’s been awhile, actually) where my feet, heart, and head all seem to be in different places at the same time, and none of them really knows what they are doing. You know that feeling where you’re looking for something but you have no idea what that thing is? It’s something like that.

Tonight I write these lines from the BF branch of BoNa Coffee, which has made a convert out of this former Starbucks junkie. Well, I’m not really that much of a Starbucks junkie, since funding has been limited as of late, but you get the idea. I have little regard for the Buddhist ambiance, but it is so refreshing to get away from the crowd that one usually encounters at coffee shops and just stare blankly at yourself in the big mirror propped against one of the walls.

Depressed? Yeah, you could say that. Depressed over what, I’m not sure. I am sad that I’ll be starting another school year without some of the friends in the academe I’ve made along the way, and that I will have to readjust to a bunch of newbies whom I’m not sure I’ll be able to gel with in a team setting. I’m sad (although I’m not sure if that’s the right word) that The Orchestra scares a lot of people…right when I need cellists and bassists. I’m not sure if it’s the newly-installed grub system (but hardly anyone other than The Orchestra veterans know about that), or maybe we’re just surrounded by wimps.

At the same time, I’m glad that the school year is about to begin again…vacation gets boring after awhile, and something inside of me wants to see if I can be a better teacher than I was the year before. I’m also glad that thanks in part to this summer’s Quartet Sessions (or should I call it Ensemble Sessions), The Orchestra feels a lot more intimate than it ever has in the past 5 years, and the musicians are actually excited about this year’s repertoire (I’m still wondering where I can get my hands on a Mahler Hammer and some cannon).

And then again, I’ve a long way to walk home…and there won’t really be anyone there I want to see. The house mates are cool and all, but they’re not preferred company, if you know what I mean. Bring on the students…I miss them so very badly.

The night is long and dark and so very lonely, and these are the saddest lines I can find in me to write.

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One response

21 06 2008
mom

And when those lonely times come, and they always do… then its time to WRITE. The muse will be there.

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