Concert 2008 Uniforms

11 03 2008

I wanted to comment on this in my previous post, but having given it a bit of thought, I’ve decided to give it a post of its own.

It seems like every year, The Orchestra redesigns its concert attire. Our first incarnation had white collared tops and black slacks for the gentlemen, long skirts for the ladies. Our second year, we had black tops and black bottoms. Our third year, the black tops had an oriental design to them. This year, we returned to the white tops, but added color-coded neckties (a different tie per section – I think the violas had the spiffiest pattern in blue and orange, although I wouldn’t mind having the green and purple of the basses), a gray sweater vest (maroon for the principals), and we allowed the ladies a choice between slacks or a skirt – a skirt being allowed only if black stocking were worn with them.

We decided upon this several months in advance, and we set about raising the money for it ourselves (the vests were woven just for us – neat!). Nearly everyone agreed it was a smart look (akin to British school uniforms – very Harry Potter-ish), and those who didn’t agree eventually did once they tried the outfit on. Overall, the ladies and gents looked quite smashing.

However (you were expecting a post that did nothing but sing praises to our uniform?!), I must confess I was not prepared for some of the…liberties…that some of the ladies took with skirt length. I thought my instructions regarding it were specific enough (and for most of the ladies, they were); alas, I was not prepared to do battle with the adolescent, non-conformist, feminine mind.

Skirt length is a delicate subject – I discovered this while doing research on the economics of having a skirt made (I thought we could raise enough money to issue skirts to the ladies – I was wrong). Too long, and you look like a nun; too short, and every male within visual range will die from loss of blood (if you don’t know what I’m talking about, you haven’t watched enough anime – no man will watch Sailormoon for the story). While I recognize that most of the ladies in The Orchestra will prefer too short over too long (Incidentally, most of them played it safe and wore pants – God bless ’em!), with all due respect, do you want the audience to enjoy your music, or your legs?

I’m sorry, ladies, but men are wired to react to provocative dress in only one way – and it’s not gentlemanly at all. You cannot argue with this response; it is part of our design. Don’t turn the key in the ignition if you don’t want to start the engine.

Should I have told the ladies to wear tights instead of stockings? I always thought stockings were pretty long – apparently, this is not always the case. To my dismay, I discovered all too-late that the sight of even a centimeter of skin between the top of the stocking and the hem of the skirt is…how do I put this delicately…inexorably arresting; more than enough to inspire the most unworthy thoughts. Couple that with a young lady who isn’t even a teenager yet (11!) and…please…these are my students we are talking about here!!!

Hopefully, the Concert of 2009 will find us performing in the venerable halls of the Cultural Center of the Philippines, where the ladies will all be wearing lovely black evening gowns (last time I checked, gown meant full length, which in turn meant all the way to the floorwhile sitting!). If not, and we once again perform in our Potter uniforms, I will specify that skirt hem and stocking top (why does that sound like the title of a movie?) overlap each other by at least four inches!

…but then again, what will stop them from wearing tights and a micro-mini? AAAAAUUUGGGHHHH!!!




5 responses

12 03 2008
violist #3

sir, chillax. XD

14 03 2008

“…do you want the audience to enjoy your music, or your legs?”

-> di ba pwede both?

14 03 2008

Not while they’re MY students! đŸ˜‰

17 03 2008

you have a point. creepy pag student mo, hahaha.

24 03 2008

thats it, dude

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